The Power of Vulnerability

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

Brene Brown studies human connection -- our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk at TEDxHouston, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share.

Nuggets of Wisdom

Connection is why we are here. It gives purpose and meaning to our lives.

The ability to feel connected is how we are wired.

Shame can be understood as the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me, that if other people see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection? (“I’m not good enough”).

I’m not thin enough, clever enough, etc – underpinning all these thoughts lies excruciating vulnerability.

In order for connect to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen.

The one variable that separated the people who feel shame from those that felt connected and loved and that was the latter group believe they are worthy of love and belonging. Therefore, what keeps us from connection is the fear we are not worthy of connection.

The group of people in her research who felt worthy (she calls – whole hearted, had common characteristics:

§  Courage: the courage to be imperfect
§  Compassion: to be kind to themselves first and then to others
§  Connection: as a result of authenticity. The let go of who they “should” be, to be who they were
§  Vulnerability: they fully embraced vulnerability. They believed what made them vulnerable, made them beautiful. The willingness to say ‘I love you first’ or doing something where there are no guarantees
 
Why do so many people struggle with vulnerability?
We numb vulnerability. By spending money, eating, drinking, medicating ourselves etc. But you can’t selectively numb emotions, those negative affects (i.e. shame, sadness, vulnerability, fear, disappointment etc) – “I don’t want to feel these so I’m gonna have a few beers and a muffin” – you can’t numb these without numbing the other positive emotions. So when we numb those, we numb joy, gratitude, happiness, then we are miserable and looking for purpose and meaning – then we feel vulnerable so we have a few beers and a muffin.

Blame – a way to discharge pain and discomfort

You may be imperfect and wired for struggle but you are worthy of love and belonging.

Believe you are enough.

http://www.brenebrown.com/books

Plug into your hard-wired happiness

http://www.ted.com/talks/srikumar_rao_plug_into_your_hard_wired_happiness.html

Srikumar Rao says we spend most of our lives learning to be unhappy, even as we strive for happiness. At Arbejdsglaede Live! 2009, he teaches us how to break free of the "I'd be happy if ..." mental model, and embrace our hard-wired happiness.

Nuggets of Wisdom

You have control of your actions. You don’t have control of the outcome.

Invest in the process rather than the outcome.

Focus on the outcome to give you direction i.e., determine where you and where you want to be but then invest yourself 100% in the process. If you get the outcome you wanted then great and if you didn’t get the outcome you wanted great because now you have another starting point.

We grow up learning to focus on the outcome. If, by definition, the outcome is out of our control and that is where we are spending most of our energy we are setting ourselves up for potential disappointment/unhappiness. Focus on the process and doing the best you can.

Passion exists inside you. Not inside stuff or a job etc.

Find a way to ignite your passion from inside not from external things.

All you do in life is take journeys. Ask is this a journey you want to take. Does it take you to a place where you would want to spend you time?

Focus on the task on hand, be not motivated by the outcome;
Be not driven by the results, enjoy the process of getting there.

Shrimad Bhagvat Geeta

Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/randy_pausch_really_achieving_your_childhood_dreams.html

In 2007, Carnegie Mellon professor Randy Pausch, who was dying of pancreatic cancer, delivered a one-of-a-kind last lecture that made the world stop and pay attention. This moving talk will teach you how to really achieve your childhood dreams. Unmissable.

Nuggets of Wisdom

Anything is possible.

Give yourself permission to dream.

Never give up.

Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.

Most of what we learn we learn indirectly. Best way to get someone to learn something is to have them think they are learning something else.

The brick walls are there for a reason. Not to keep us out but to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.

Find the best in people. Wait long enough and people will surprise and impress you. When you are pissed off with someone and you are angry at them, you just haven’t given them enough time.

Be careful what you wish for.

Help others to enable their dreams. It can be even more rewarding than you living yours.

Have fun. Are you a Tigger or an Eeyore?

Never lose the child-like wonder.

When it comes to men that are romantically interested in you, just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.

How do you get people to help you? Tell the truth, Be earnest, Apologize when you screw up and focus on others not yourself.

Don’t bail; the best gold is at the bottom of bails of crap.

When people give your feedback, cherish it and use it.

Show gratitude.

Work hard.

Be prepared; “luck” is where preparation meets opportunity.

How to Live before you Die

http://www.ted.com/talks/steve_jobs_how_to_live_before_you_die.html

At his Stanford University commencement speech, Steve Jobs, CEO and co-founder of Apple and Pixar, urges us to pursue our dreams and see the opportunities in life's setbacks -- including death itself.

Nuggets of Wisdom

You can only connect the dots looking backwards so you have to trust that somehow the dots will connect in your future. This will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well worn path.

Find what you love and love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking and don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you will know when you find it.

Sometimes life is going to hit you over the head with a brick, don’t lose faith.

If you live each day as if it were you last, someday you will be right.

Ask if today were the last day in your life, would you want to do what you are about to do today?

Time is limited; don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

 

Don’t let the noise of others opinions drown out your inner voice.

 

Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become.

Things I Learned while my Plane Crashed

http://www.ted.com/talks/ric_elias.html

Ric Elias had a front-row seat on Flight 1549, the plane that crash-landed in the Hudson River in New York in January 2009. What went through his mind as the doomed plane went down? At TED, he tells his story publicly for the first time.

Nuggets of Wisdom

1. Life can change in an instance so don’t postpone things in life that are important to you.

2. Have no regrets.

3. Don’t waste precious time on things that do not matter with people that matter.

4. Eliminate negative energy from your life.

5. Be the best parent you can be.

True Success

http://www.ted.com/talks/john_wooden_on_the_difference_between_winning_and_success.html

With profound simplicity, Coach John Wooden redefines success and urges us all to pursue the best in ourselves. In this inspiring talk he shares the advice he gave his players at UCLA, quotes poetry and remembers his father's wisdom.

Nuggets of Wisdom

Definition of Success:
Peace of mind attained only through self satisfaction and knowing you made the effort do the best in which you are capable.

Must have patience and faith and truly believe that things will work as they should, providing we do what we should (i.e., what is necessary to make it happen).

Don’t whine, don’t complain, just get out there and do things to your best ability!

The Road Ahead or The Road Behind
by George Joseph Moriarty
Sometimes I think the Fates must
Grin as we denounce and insist
The only reason we can’t win
Is the Fates themselves that miss

Yet there lives on an ancient claim
We win or lose within ourselves
The shining trophies on our shelves
Can never win tomorrow’s game
You and I know deeper down
There’s always a chance to win the crown
But when we fail to give our best
We simply haven’t met the test
Of giving all, and saving none
Until the game is really won

Of showing what is meant by grit
Of fighting on when others quit
Of playing through, not letting up
It’s bearing down that wins the cup
Of taking it and taking more
Until we gain the winning score
Of dreaming there’s a goal ahead
Of hoping when our dreams are dead
Of praying when our hopes have fled
Yet losing, not afraid to fall
If bravely, we have given all

For who can ask more of a man
Than giving all within his span
Giving all, it seems to me
Is not so far from victory

And so the Fates are seldom wrong
No matter how they twist and wind
It is you and I who make our fates
We open up or close the gates
On the road ahead or the road behind.