The Power of Vulnerability

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

Brene Brown studies human connection -- our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk at TEDxHouston, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity. A talk to share.

Nuggets of Wisdom

Connection is why we are here. It gives purpose and meaning to our lives.

The ability to feel connected is how we are wired.

Shame can be understood as the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me, that if other people see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection? (“I’m not good enough”).

I’m not thin enough, clever enough, etc – underpinning all these thoughts lies excruciating vulnerability.

In order for connect to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen.

The one variable that separated the people who feel shame from those that felt connected and loved and that was the latter group believe they are worthy of love and belonging. Therefore, what keeps us from connection is the fear we are not worthy of connection.

The group of people in her research who felt worthy (she calls – whole hearted, had common characteristics:

§  Courage: the courage to be imperfect
§  Compassion: to be kind to themselves first and then to others
§  Connection: as a result of authenticity. The let go of who they “should” be, to be who they were
§  Vulnerability: they fully embraced vulnerability. They believed what made them vulnerable, made them beautiful. The willingness to say ‘I love you first’ or doing something where there are no guarantees
 
Why do so many people struggle with vulnerability?
We numb vulnerability. By spending money, eating, drinking, medicating ourselves etc. But you can’t selectively numb emotions, those negative affects (i.e. shame, sadness, vulnerability, fear, disappointment etc) – “I don’t want to feel these so I’m gonna have a few beers and a muffin” – you can’t numb these without numbing the other positive emotions. So when we numb those, we numb joy, gratitude, happiness, then we are miserable and looking for purpose and meaning – then we feel vulnerable so we have a few beers and a muffin.

Blame – a way to discharge pain and discomfort

You may be imperfect and wired for struggle but you are worthy of love and belonging.

Believe you are enough.

http://www.brenebrown.com/books